In fact, more U.S. families adopt domestically than internationally each year. Other factors that affect the attachment process include how long and when children experienced inadequate parenting, prenatal conditions, and individual characteristics of the child.
We want to help you decide whether or not domestic adoption is right for you and your family. Accommodating a grieving toddler's need for being fed or comforted in a manner usually reserved for infants also supports the grief and provides a wonderful opportunity to develop attachment.Attachment issues are central to literally every toddler adoption. Children need to be parented according to their developmental age, which may not correspond to their chronological age. Many adopted toddlers display acute grief during their first weeks and months at home, seen in crying, withdrawal, poor appetite, seeking behavior, sleep difficulties, fear, or infantile behaviors. "They are mothers who want the best life possible for their unborn child," says Steven Kirsh, an adoption attorney in Indianapolis.Adopting a newborn domestically is eminently doable, say professionals. Dawn Smith-Pliner, executive director of adoption agency Friends in Adoption, reports that contact is sometimes renewed in later years, by either the adoptive family or the birth family.The fear that domestic adoptions are legally risky remains widespread. Birth parents, by the same token, are empowered to choose which family will adopt their child.
Their daughter, now 5, was placed in their arms just seven months after they started the adoption process. In the mid-1970s, as many as 49,000 American infants were placed for adoption each year. Naively self-confident, my husband and I adopted a young child who had experienced severe neglect and many disruptions in his first year-and-a-half of life. "People think that adoption takes five years, just forever and ever," says Katie. Most damaging are those portrayals of birth mothers heartlessly "giving up" their children. As it turned out, the Davises, who live in Baltimore, Maryland, were matched with a birth mother less than a month after their adoption agency started presenting their paperwork. Alliance for Children’s domestic adoption program places infants born in the US with adoptive parents who are chosen by the baby’s birth parent(s). Although fewer adoptions currently take place each year within the U.S. compared to 35 years ago, domestic adoption is far from dying out. Important groundwork includes toddler-proofing the home, enlisting the support of family, friends, and other adoptive parents, and preparing siblings.A gradual and planned transition helps resolve grief allows for transference of attachment, and assists development of healthy attachment toward the permanent parent(s). The truth is that most families successfully adopt within two years of beginning the process. "People watch TV and read the newspapers, and they are scared to death," says Mark T. McDermott, an adoption attorney in Washington, D.C.Although fewer adoptions currently take place each year within the U.S. compared to 35 years ago, domestic adoption is far from dying out. It's not uncommon for waiting parents to pursue more than one route at a time, filing paperwork with an agency and also networking independently.Wait times are shortest for parents who place the least restrictions on the description of their "dream" child.Many families have already discovered what the rest of America has yet to figure out: that the real story of domestic adoption has thousands of happy endings. Toddlers need to witness the former caregiver's permission and support for the role their new parents are assuming to shift their love and loyalty without feeling guilt.Caregivers can prepare toddlers for their adoptions by marking time until adoption in some concrete manner, introducing new routines, reading books about adoption, and using language to reinforce the pending adoption. It's time that parents and professionals acknowledge that specific preparation techniques, transition strategies, and special parenting approaches are needed to help toddlers adjust to their new families.Most toddlers have acquired a sense of humor and rudimentary communication skills. Communication skills often suffer a setback, and may be forever affected by changes in a child's primary language. Even while parents are recreating the attachment cycle, they will want to foster their toddler's continuing growth in all development areas...a demanding process that requires a delicate balancing act.Structure and consistency are essential for the newly adopted toddler. However, many also arrive with an array of challenging behaviors caused by early neglect, abuse, or multiple disruptions in caregivers. The holding and eye contact that such feeding provides are strong attachment builders.Parents will also want to be as assertive and persistent as necessary to strengthen attachment through touch, but may need to help the toddler who has shut down his sensory receptors develop tactile awareness.
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